I Will Survive
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| Oh Sherrie |
He would pick me up from work with his brother, and we would go back to Paul's house in Woodbridge. Everyone wanted to see him, but he was a little bit detached and quiet. He said he had outgrown some of the shenanigans that his friends were still doing; he thought they were childish and stupid. We mostly sat in a corner by ourselves, trying to block out everyone. I told him maybe we should just hang around my place for a few days where it was at least a little quieter.
Incredibly, David liked being at my house. He was social with my mom, I had to remind him not to be overconfident about her, and she was pretty decent to him. All I could think about when she talked to him is what she had told me about women wanting to steal him, and that is probably what she was thinking too. We would go into my room, and I would have the door shut halfway. Unfortunately, the Granny From Hell was also there. She didn't like him being there. She was looking for a way to start trouble. She couldn't hear well unless I said: "damn" or "shit." Then she could hear me a mile away. I actually thought that was funny. But she also had cataracts and macular degeneration, and she really couldn't see much at all. However, she went to my mom and told her that she saw David touching me. My mom opened the door, and we were just sitting there doing nothing, and my grandmother was just going off about it. I got up and closed the door and went into the living room and expelled just about all of the anger that I had held in over the years. I flipped my lid, I went off, I got crazy. I said what I had to say and then left her standing there with her mouth open. I went back to my room, and David just stared at me. He had never seen me lose my temper before. I think he was afraid to say anything for a while until I cooled off. When he started to say something, I just told him that she had bullied me around when I was little and physically hurt me, and I should have said more to her. So now he was feeling sorry for me.
He had stayed over for 2 nights. Every night before he went to bed, he would tell me, "I'll just be back there waiting for you if you want to come to get me." He meant that literally. But I hadn't lost my mind yet so that never happened.
That Friday night, we were going to a big going away party for him. He would be leaving Sunday. The weather that day had been frigid, and when he picked me up from work, I had to go home and change. It was snowing; it was snowing big flakes and sticking. I didn't care, we were going to that party. I changed clothes, and my mom asked me where I thought I was going, and I told her. She said absolutely not because it was snowing. I told her the main roads were fine, and the plows were out. (They weren't out) I knew the roads would be bad in Woodbridge, that once we got off of 95, things would be bad. I also knew if I went that I would not be able to get back home. I just told her, "look, this is David's going away party." "We will be careful, and we'll call you later to let you know how the roads are." David looked at me like I was crazy, but I knew exactly what I was doing. She finally gave in.
As soon as we made it to Southern Avenue, the streets were pretty rough, but we took it slow, and we got to Woodbridge in an hour and a half. And now, it was party time. There were probably about 40 people there already. There was food and beer and booze and weed. Now, I had really never been around anyone for an extended period of time that was high. David had always steered me clear of anybody high. Everybody was wasted, and it was only about 8:30. The noise was deafening, and people were yelling over each other. I was sober, and it was a pretty awesome sight. About a half-hour after we got there, someone came in and said 95 was closed; I smiled. And then I told David he should call my mom and tell her we would have to stay. He didn't want to do it, but I had already been drinking, and it didn't take much to make me slur my speech. He was sweating while he was talking to her, but what could she do? Nothing! Now it really was party time.
People were going out and playing in the snow. People were making out. One girl was crying over her boyfriend. Wow, this was pretty cool. Everybody calmed down and got in a huge circle. Out came the weed. My eyes were big, I'm sure; I had never smoked weed before and wasn't sure if I would. It was going around the circle; I passed the first one by. Everyone laughed at me. The second time around, okay, I'll try it. I thought I was going to die. I coughed for five minutes. They had to bring me something to drink, good beer. The third time around, I took it, and everybody was laughing at me. David was trying to tell me how to do it right. This time, it was a little better. I didn't cough as much. The fourth time around, I must have already been high; it was easy. I passed the next one up; I was definitely high. I just sat in between David's long legs on the floor. I didn't talk, and I didn't move. Music was playing, and Inagodadavita came on. I had never heard it before. I was mesmerized. Dadadadadada! Yeah! Dadadadadada. I loved that song, and it was a long, long version. So now someone had turned on black lights and strobe lights. The strobe light was making me feel a little queasy. I must have looked funny; David picked me up and carried me outside. The fresh air and cold snowflakes made me feel much better. We went back in. I went back to drinking, but I couldn't hold on to the beer bottle; I required help. David was very quiet; we just sat curled up watching everyone else. I think we even crashed for awhile. I think everyone did. And then it started all over for the people who were awake. Everyone had to pick a spot to crash. David and I went into the spare bedroom and slept in the bed with the 2-year-old. Nothing happened, we just slept together, and it was nice. It was nicer, waking up with him hanging on to me. I didn't want to go home on Saturday, and I didn't want him to have to leave for Vietnam on Sunday.
When I said goodbye to David on Saturday night, it wasn't as traumatic as it had been the first time around. There were still plenty of tears. But David was different. Maybe because he knew what he was going back to. He had been different, quieter, reserved, more mature. He would never be the same again. I guess killing people does that to you. Watching your friend get blown away does that to you.
In February, I got a letter from him. He was breaking up with me. He didn't want me to pass up some of my senior activities that he could not be there for. He believed that it had been unfair for him to ask a young girl to stop everything and wait for him just if he made it back home in one piece. And he didn't think it would be fair if he was severely wounded and handicapped for life, for him to have me take care of him. He told me that he didn't think that he was going to make it. He had only been there a few months, and he had already seen too many of his buddies die. He had carried too many of them to the helicopters that would give them one last ride. He told me that if he made it, he would come back to me, and we could pick up where we left off. But, for now, at least, it was goodbye.
My heart was broken. I'm sure that I cried buckets of tears. I don't know how long it took me to pull myself out of that funk that I was in. I think it was a couple of months. And when I did, I was furious at him. I decided that freedom really did mean being free, and that is what I was going to do, have fun the rest of my senior year. He wasn't going to mess that up for me. I'd show him!
In the spring, once it was warming up, Judy and I were on the prowl. After all, we had to have dates for the prom.
"Oh, Sherrie"
You should've been gone
Knowing how I made you feel
And I should've been gone
After all your words of steel
Oh, I must've been a dreamer
And I must've been someone else
And we should've been over
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, I want to let go
You'll go on hurtin' me
You'd be better off alone
If I'm not who you thought I'd be
But you know that there's a fever
Oh, that you'll never find nowhere else
Can't you feel it burnin'
On-and-on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie
Oh, Sherrie
But I should've been gone
Long ago, far away
And you should've been gone
Now I know just why you stay
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Oh, Sherrie, our love
Holds on, holds on
Hold on
Oh, Sherrie
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