Relationships Are Like Sunny Side Up Eggs

No Eggs For Me

What is this?  Breakfast in bed.  Are you kidding me?  I don't even eat breakfast, not for breakfast anyway.  Seriously, you woke me up to eat breakfast?  You eat it and let me sleep.  Was that bitchy?  Yeah, I guess it was.  Dr. Pepper would have been adequate.  And I definitely don't eat eggs that look like that.  Here you take the eggs, I'll eat toast.  I don't like runny eggs; I don't eat sunny side up eggs.  Everything that was coming out of my mouth was mean.  I'm not a morning person; I can't help it.  Don't talk to me.  Don't be nice, just let me sleep and leave me alone.  Please!!  Meeting adjourned.

So, France took the hint and finally left me alone.  I hope he enjoyed breakfast.  I  hope he sat in front of the TV or read the paper and did whatever it is that morning people do.  It was a nice gesture, it was.  But I'm not normal, especially in the morning.  And now I had to face a pounding Pina Colada induced headache that remained hidden until I was awakened.  Now I just wanted my Dr. Pepper, headache pills, and a trip home, where I could go back to bed until the kids came home.  The glow from the previous evening had certainly vanished as far as I was concerned.

I think maybe I have a guy's brain on my right side of the brain.  After the good times are over, the fun has passed, reality has set in, and I am done.  I don't want the cuddle crap, the "how was it for you" questions, the morning after cuteness.  I think that I might be part Preying Mantis.  I just want to mate and either be left alone or bite the head off of my partner.  That applies to every guy that I have ever been with, well, except for two of them, and they are not on my radar yet.

I got dressed and asked France to take me home.  He said he thought maybe we could go to a movie and have a nice lunch.  "I don't want to do anything except go home.  I want you to take me home now and drop me off.  Please?"  "No, you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't like surprises, just in case you want to know.  You were very sweet, but I don't eat breakfast, I don't eat lunch except at work, and I don't like somebody planning my day off for me.  Okay?"

Okay, so I could tell that his feelings were hurt.  He was silent on the way home.  It was probably just as well.  It was avoiding conflict that I didn't want to be involved in.  When we got to my place, I got out before he could get out to open the door.  I went over to his side of the car and opened his door, and gave him a kiss on the lips.  He puckered up for another one but didn't get it.  I pushed his hair back away from his face and told him that I would see him tomorrow.  As I walked away, I turned around and told him he could call me later if he wanted to.  (I knew he wouldn't)  It would take him hours to try and figure out either what he did wrong or what was wrong with me.

Lots of thoughts were going through my head as I walked back into my place.  I really liked being single.  Maybe too much.  Maybe my psyche had been so damaged by my ex-husband during our horrific marriage and dating that I would never be able to get close to another guy again.  I liked the game of somebody pursuing me as long as the feelings were mutual, but I was not interested in the actual relationship phase or commitment part.  I liked the physical zing and attraction, but I wasn't too crazy about the rest.  I was pretty sure that I was damaged goods.

That previous Friday morning, before I left for work, I told Jimmy that he would have to leave.  I told him to make himself some food to take with him, and please go.  I explained that I had a boyfriend who was a cop who wanted to come over and that he couldn't because Jimmy was there.  I told him that he and another cop watched my apartment for me, and if they saw him, they would lose their minds and would probably end up in jail as a vagrant.

I know it hurt his feelings, but it wasn't like I invited him to my house.  He wasn't an expected guest.  He tried to tell me how he felt about me, and I told him that I had always known that he had a thing for me but that he was just David's brother and a friend.  I told him that it was good to see him again, but I now had a different life.  I had two little boys that I was responsible for, and I had to have stability in my life for them.  I couldn't just take off and go somewhere, not knowing the consequences of my actions.  My first job was their well being.  I asked him to call me when he left, and I told him to look out the window before he left and make sure that there wasn't a cop car in the parking lot.  He called me at eleven that morning to tell me that he was walking out the door.  I told him to be careful and be safe.

I never saw or talked to Jimmy again.  Many years later, I found out that he had died fairly young, at 52, from cancer.  I was shocked.  The person that told me that was his brother David.  My David from high school.  We would meet again later in life.  But now I was down to dealing with 2 cops and a spoiled rich boy.

And I was thinking about the new me.  Did I like this person?  Was I fair to myself and others?  Was I just afraid of getting involved with someone, or was I hopeless?  I don't think that I really cared.  All it takes is one really rotten guy to mess your whole mind up.  And he had done an excellent job.