The Front Porch and John Candy for Halloween

The Front Porch

The last Halloween that we lived in Dallas, all 3 kids came home sick on Halloween and couldn't go out.  I painted my face to look like a skeleton and wore a hood and monk's robes. My face painting was AWESOME, I couldn't believe how well it turned out.  And as good as it looked inside the house, it was even scarier outside.

I sat on the front porch on a planter right next to the door.  You couldn't ignore me.

Groups of kids and their adults would walk up the walk, see me and then slow down.  They encouraged the kids to go ahead and knock on the door while they stood sideways looking at me.  They would tell the kids that it was okay that I wasn't real and don't be scared.  But they were.  I sat motionlessly.  One kid told the mom I was staring at him.  She laughed it off and touched my skeletal made up a hand.  I could have scared the crap out of her but chose to maintain my cover.

 Everyone was scared.  Finally, many kids with a bunch of moms and dad's started down the sidewalk.  They were having problems getting their kids to go to the porch.  It was pitch dark except for the candle in the pumpkin.  Two moms and about 10 kids crowded onto the porch and on the walkway.   One lady was telling the kids not to be scared. When nobody moved, she came over and touched my arm.  She said, "it was just a dummy."  A few nervously knocked on the door, got candy, and ran.   The ones that had been standing a little further away came up and were backing away from me.  One little boy would not move. Again the same mom started touching me, trying to convince them I wasn't real.  She started talking loud, "go on, Johnny, it's okay, don't be scared!"  She grabbed my arm and said, "look, it isn't real."  The kid took about half a step, and that was all.

  The parents were getting agitated with the kids now, especially Johnny.  I was hoping that one of the men would step up to me, but no, just one dumb mom.  When Johnny wouldn't move, she touched me a couple more times, and everyone laughed a little bit.  That gave her courage, "Johnny, don't be scared, just touch it, Johnny, touch it like this, and you'll see."  She started to lift my arm, and Johnny touched me on the shoulder very quickly.  As soon as she began to lift my arm, I jumped up, screaming, "BOOOOOOOO!"  All the kids screamed and ran to the other parents, including dad's who were screaming too.  The lady screamed like I have never heard a person scream in real life.

I was almost peeing my pants from laughing so hard.  After they all recovered their dignity, the lady came back on the porch.  She had tears on her face.   She told me it was the best costume ever!!!

It was great.  On this Halloween night, I like to think that wherever those kids and adults are now that they are relaying the story of The Front Porch to their kids.  I can see John Candy in a cabin up north telling the scary story to his wife and kids, acting it out and, oh wait, that WAS in a movie with him, wasn't it?  Oh, but it was about a bear in The Great Outdoors.  Never mind.  Happy Birthday John Candy; we miss you.