On September 29, 2006, I said goodbye to my son for the last time. He died shortly after 1:00 am after suffering horribly for 3 months from stage 4 colon cancer. He was only 34. From the time of his diagnosis to his death was only 3 and 1/2 months.
It has been 13 years today since his death, and I still miss and mourn him every day. I would like nothing better than to see him and talk to him at least one more time. Unfortunately, that will never happen again.
The only thing I can do now is keeping him alive in my thoughts, and I do that every day; not a single day goes by that I don't think about him.
The picture to the left is one of my favorites of him. He had just made Staf Sergeant, and he was the youngest one in the Marine Corps at that time. I believe he was 23, almost 24. This picture was taken at the Marine Corps Ball in Dallas, Texas. He was healthy and happy and handsome. He had everything going for him.
And he was happy.
This picture was taken in New Orleans in 2000. Jeff and his lovely girlfriend Sam and I drove down for a weekend. Neither of them had ever been to that area before, and it was only about 300 miles away. This particular picture was taken in a gift shop on Bourbon Street. Jeff was having fun trying on all the weird hats in the store. He had us laughing. As you can see, he was not camera shy. He didn't really think much of the Big Easy, but we did have a lot of fun and laughs.
Jeff was almost 2 in this picture. His hair was still red then. It is my favorite baby picture of him. Chubby little face, big Jeff smile, and he was happy and not crying. This picture was taken not too long before I took Jeff and his brother Glen and left his dad. Jeff would climb out of his crib at night and stand by my bed while I was sleeping and say, "Mama," in his very husky loud voice and scare me to death. I would take him back to bed, and he would repeat the process several times during the night. In desperation and suffering from lack of sleep every day, I finally sat him on the floor on his mattress and turned the crib upside down over him to keep Jeff from roaming around at night. It worked for a few months; later on, he learned how to escape and push a pretty heavy chair over to the front door, climb up and unlock all the locks, move the chair and go outside. I was unaware of this until I got a loud knock on my door about 6 am one Saturday morning, which woke me up, and 2 adults had ahold of Jeff and asked me if he was mine. OMG, yes!
Jeff was about 4 in this picture. It was taken on a Christmas morning. This is what Jeff's hair always looked like until he turned 8 or 9. I believe he was the first person to wear his hair like Rod Stewart, even before Rod Stewart wore it that way.
That expression on his face continued throughout his life; it was his bored and accepting but not particularly crazy about the situation look. Why he had it on Christmas morning, I could not say. On the other side of him were Buck, our Springer Spaniel, and his brother Glen. Neither of them shared that expression with Jeff. It may have been because he had already broken a new toy or two; I just can't say. Jeff was the kind of child and adult who openly looked displeased for no logical reason; only making him sit still was the biggest problem and achievement.
This is just a collage of Jeff's pictures. The left top photo was a platoon flag given to him by his men in the Army Reserve. After he left the Marine Corps, he took a year or two off and then joined the Army Reserve.
Jeff bought this motorcycle with his enlistment bonus from the Army. This picture was taken in late February 2006. He did not know how sick he was at that time. Ironically, he would state how heavy the bike was and how difficult it was to handle. He just didn't know his strength was starting to diminish.
The next picture on the left is Iwo Jima, one of his favorite places. The middle image displays his "cowboy" butt; the picture on the right is Jeff standing in front of a rainbow.
The bottom left is Gung HO Jeff, the middle image is the Marine Corps Ball, and the last is the New Orleans picture.
This is the last place we went together. Jeff is buried at the West Tennessee Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Memphis, Tennessee. He received a military funeral service with Honors from the Marine Corps. This was the third hardest day of my life: first, his death, second, seeing him in a coffin immediately before his viewing at the funeral home, and lastly, giving him up for eternity. No parent should have to do this. Never take a single day for granted. If Jeff were here, he would tell you he changed my life for the better through his death, "life is short, hold the ones you love close and don't sweat the small shit." The only important thing is how you choose to live your life and make it through each day.
These pictures and memories are for you and me, Jeff, wherever you may be. Someone as vibrant and full of life as you could never just fade away. You left your mark on me and others, and we all hold those memories close to our hearts.
This one is for you, Jeff, wherever you are.
Only the good die young.
Love, Mom
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